3 Comments on “In an Abusive Relationship? Help Yourself Today”

Relationship advice on June 15 said:

It’s important to get help if your in an abusive relationship
kacey on June 19 said:

I just got married about 3 months ago to a man that I should not have married. There were some signs of him being controlling and jelous but i thought nothing of it i thought he would get better. Now i feel trapped like im doing time in prison or something. Im not allowed to be with my family and friends unless he says its okay. Nothing i do is ever good enough. He whines and complains like a woman. He calls me stupid, dumb bitch. dummy. He also has gotton physical with me pulling my hair pushing me down, making me kiss his feet. He will scream and rage at me in public, which is very humiliating. And an hour later is so sweet, caring, he will do whatever to take care of me but i feel everything about him is fake. I cant show affection for him anymore and it makes him very angry. I tell him how i feel about the abuse but he will not take responsibility for his actions, its always my fault. I never thought that i would be in an abusive relationship but it happened. Now im trying to figure out how to leave without getting hurt. This is not love and i smart enough to know that, i feel hes just using me, when i get paid i have to turn all my money over to him, which is crazy. I love him and was trying to stay because we are married and i dont want to sin against gods word but i need out of this relationship, its like living with a crazy person. please help. advise
Mark Tyrrell on June 20 said:

Hello Kacey

You say that you don’t want to sin against God’s word but what really worries me here is that his abuse has started getting physical already. He’s behaving like a cruel prison guard preventing you seeing you family and friends. This is totally unacceptable. He (not you) has reneged on his marriage vows by treating you like this. Marriage can, in some ways, be viewed as a deal-he has broken the deal through his actions so where is the marriage?

I suspect if you stayed with him it would only get worse. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that you are responsible for his behavior or that if you just love him enough he’ll eventually change. These are two typical patterns of belief that victims of abuse often hold-but they can lead to years of unnecessary misery. Your priority I think now is to make yourself as safe as you can and if that means separating yourself from this abusive man then that might be the way to go. If you do separate then please remember it was him not you that “failed” the marriage.

All warm wishes

Mark