Since many people tend to feel the feelings along with the moody person or attempt to fix the problem or to get frustrated when they can’t fix the mood, I really like the way this article separates the moody person’s behavior from the people who have to deal with the moods. I love the download about moody people because it introduces the idea that there is a choice in how you actually feel in the face of someone else’s moods. Remaining calm in the face of moody people was a new concept to me. I used to actually encourage moodiness in others because I enjoyed the power I felt when I could cheer them up, I felt like a wonderfully kind person when I did this but when I couldn’t do it my own mood would plummet and I would get annoyed and feel inadequate as though their mood was a reflection on my inability to change it! I also clearly remember times when I knew that my own moods and behavior had to be controlled and other times where maybe I could get away with looking sad and miserable and getting some ice cream out of it! So your story about Winnie rings true.
I know this woman. She is cool when she speaks to me. I don’t know that many women. So I think we’re developing a friendship..like ok. that’s cool. Then when I see her I’m ethusiastic and say hi and I’m looking forward to her smile, and she treats me like a leper. What did I do?
And I keep saying hi just hoping she’ll be on the same wave length..but she never is anymore. So whatever. I guess I’ll let her go with love..but it still hurts sort of..and I see her often. So I guess i"ll just say hi and walk by? why are some people so hot and cold? she treats me like a leper. I wish I could stop thinking about it…probably cuz I don’t have other women I can really talk to . whatever. It just hurts sort of.
This article was great im a moody person, now i noe what my problem are and how I should I deal with them ^^ and what other people think of moody people thx alot
My common law partner is very moody and angry. I constantly am asking him what is wrong or what he is mad about, I am surprised when he says he isn’t mad. He seems to always have angry scowl not to often is he smiling. We have spoke of why he is always angry and ways that perhaps he may find inner peace, he never sticks to anything. He wants everyone to do things the right way, which he himself doesn’t do. his perception seems very blurred and marrow minded. My question is how to find a long term solution.
Well certainly some people tend to look naturally more moody than others (just as some people appear more “smiley”) I wonder if when you think back has he ever been different? Did he used to look and seem happier? Reading between the lines it seems like he may be prone to being a little “control freakish”.
People who constantly judge and try to control others are generally not too happy as they continually feel disappointed and annoyed when others don’t act as they deem they should. It might help for you to read the dealing with a control freak’ article and also the one on anger. But it might be even better for him to read them. After all you are not responsible (although of course you have to live with) his emotionality. It takes emotional intelligence to be able to first recognize then seek to change one’s own negative counter-productive states and it may be that in order to change he’ll have to develop more EQ (regardless of how intelligent he is in other ways)
Hi ish well I think you should focus on using the methods described in the dealing with moody people article as described. It sounds like you already see beyond your friend’s moodiness and can distinguish between her and the moodiness. This is an essential first step. But also take care to look after yourself too; it can be rough and exhausting being around a moody person.
my friend is a moody person.i feel so pressure with her attitude.she’s not changed her moody attitude eventhough many friends of mine has advise her.we even already has a big fight before just because of her moody attitudes. sometimes she just can easily moody just because she does not have enough sleep.it affect me since im closed to her and i dont think it fair for me to stand with her terrible face just for unreasonable reason.after a few years be friend with her now i already decided to break my frienship with her because i cant stand with her attitude.
I enjoyed reading your article-it was humorous yet drove home the message. I have a colleague who is extremely moody especially with me and I have been pandering to his ego by adjusting my behaviour to his.Everytime it’s always my fault and he sends me on a guilt trip. One day he’s pleasant, the next unbearable.He is as you described rightly-an emotional bully.Although I’m fond of him, I think I’ve reached a stage where I’ve had enough. Your article really helped me put things in perspective.
This article has helped me understand moodiness so much more. I searched for this, as I have an extremely moody friend who is as changeable as the weather. In addition I’m interested in psychology and therefore found the article rather useful. I’d just like to say, Thank You.
Thank you for this article. I have worked with a very moody person for the last two years, and I am generally the target. She has belittled me in front of other co-workers, etc. I have ignored her, and when I just couldn’t keep my mouth closed, I rose to her emotional heights, one time even telling her if that is really how she felt about me, to put it in writting. That did stop her, however I do not like ‘losing it’ at work, very unprofessional. I am going to try tip #4 next time this happens, because let’s face it, history tells me it will.
ok my best friend gets super mad if i leve her to be with this guy i really like named josh its not like i leave her the whole day but just for a little like one day i hung out with her all of lunch but i left to hang out with josh for like 5 min nd shes sayin ur messed up why did u leave me but ok lets say i leave her to hang out with my friend amelia she doesnt care i feel like shes being an emotional bitch sometimes shes mad at me and doesnt want to listen to me but then other times shes like im srry if i was mean to u and it pisses me off but idk
woa!
I just found this article and I am so impressed. Thank you Mark for having uncommonhelp available for us.
Reading this article makes me finally realize what is happening with my new husband and his daughter.
I feel like I am always walking on eggshells, one day where he is giving and the next day where he is so moody, nasty,and angry and with her daughter, not only is she a full fledged teenager, she has learnt “from the best” and behaves just the same way.
every day, I am left feeling drained, exhausted, frustrated and a bit insane, where I don’t recognize myself after several months of this craziness.
In some ways, I have done some of the steps already, but discovered today others that I hope will be more than helpful in how to deal with them both.
I will be glad to use one of my credits and download the hypnosis related to this article, and I will be happy to review this article to remind myself that I am my own priority and must take care of myself before them, and to to set clear limits, as well as to “teach” them to listen and fill some of my own relationship needs.
Well thank you Mima for your positive feedback. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment and I really hope things get easier for you and you take time out to look after yourself too.
Hi,
I really liked your article. Very well written,
and expressed.
I am in business, have several consultants who
work for me, and have experienced the moody
“prima donna” type. Must admit, I have tolerated
their behaviour, which I probably should not have done.
I am not moody myself, and would never inflict that
on another. Grew up with a drinker, step father,
who was unpredictable and moody, and consequently
I am anxious around these people.
I am a recent widow, and went on holiday with a
new friend - who turned out to be moody, snappy,
and angry, both to me and everyone she encountered.
I think I have finally learned my lesson.
Thank you again for your article.
It is great.
Best wishes,
Ann Turner
ps. I have also studied hypnosis, and have
made my own meditative cds - I listen to one
that I created for myself, every day. Lasts about 28 minutes.
hiya, im tom and i have a friend called peter he is a nice lad but he is a moody git, we do joke about him when we’re out but in a jokey way, sometimes he takes it as joke and sometimes he doesn’t but when he doesn’t he stands a few yards away from us and goes silent for a few hours, i find this really irritating and he is so stubborn when he does this i was wondering can you tell me why he does this??
also i have another friend ben, he is also a nice lad but he goes in moods when i see him sometimes, like for instance i saw him one morning once i said hi to him and he just didn’t say anything and walked off, it wasn’t until a few hours later he came round and was alright i was also wondering if you could explain it to me why he does this?? i would be very grateful and thank you.
Well people tend to use the “silent treatment” as an attempted form of punishment. They want it to have an impact. The trouble with the silent treatment is that if it’s being targeted at you then it gives you no information. If someone just yells at you: “I’m angry that you made fun of me!!” then at least you know where you are. As to why these two friends do this I guess (without knowing them) that it’s because they feel you have done something wrong. But some people who go into silent moods may even not really know why they are moody or even be moody with someone else and take it out on you. If you really don’t know what you’ve done wrong then you probably haven’t done anything wrong and all this moody silence is about them not you. Yes it’s irritating and sometimes it might be a good idea to let them know you’re aware of what they are doing. You could bring it into the open and just ask: “Why so silent?” or ‘let me know when you want to start speaking again.’ The main point here is that if people are giving you the silent treatment then whatever you have or haven’t done going silent is not the best way to respond because it gives you no clear feedback.
Certainly moodiness is a feature of depression-but as the depression become ‘clinical’ that is longer lasting then the changeability tends to be replaced by one mood-that of bleakness, hopelessness, pessimism and sadness. Depressed people will often also display irritation and anger-both with themselves and others. If moodiness includes good mood as well as low then we are probably just looking at normal moodiness.
Niki Martinelli on March 27 said:
Since many people tend to feel the feelings along with the moody person or attempt to fix the problem or to get frustrated when they can’t fix the mood, I really like the way this article separates the moody person’s behavior from the people who have to deal with the moods. I love the download about moody people because it introduces the idea that there is a choice in how you actually feel in the face of someone else’s moods. Remaining calm in the face of moody people was a new concept to me. I used to actually encourage moodiness in others because I enjoyed the power I felt when I could cheer them up, I felt like a wonderfully kind person when I did this but when I couldn’t do it my own mood would plummet and I would get annoyed and feel inadequate as though their mood was a reflection on my inability to change it! I also clearly remember times when I knew that my own moods and behavior had to be controlled and other times where maybe I could get away with looking sad and miserable and getting some ice cream out of it! So your story about Winnie rings true.
girlslocker on April 30 said:
I know this woman. She is cool when she speaks to me. I don’t know that many women. So I think we’re developing a friendship..like ok. that’s cool. Then when I see her I’m ethusiastic and say hi and I’m looking forward to her smile, and she treats me like a leper. What did I do?
And I keep saying hi just hoping she’ll be on the same wave length..but she never is anymore. So whatever. I guess I’ll let her go with love..but it still hurts sort of..and I see her often. So I guess i"ll just say hi and walk by? why are some people so hot and cold? she treats me like a leper. I wish I could stop thinking about it…probably cuz I don’t have other women I can really talk to . whatever. It just hurts sort of.
ovais909 on August 05 said:
This article was great im a moody person, now i noe what my problem are and how I should I deal with them ^^ and what other people think of moody people thx alot
toni on August 08 said:
My common law partner is very moody and angry. I constantly am asking him what is wrong or what he is mad about, I am surprised when he says he isn’t mad. He seems to always have angry scowl not to often is he smiling. We have spoke of why he is always angry and ways that perhaps he may find inner peace, he never sticks to anything. He wants everyone to do things the right way, which he himself doesn’t do. his perception seems very blurred and marrow minded. My question is how to find a long term solution.
Mark Tyrrell on August 09 said:
Hi Toni
Well certainly some people tend to look naturally more moody than others (just as some people appear more “smiley”) I wonder if when you think back has he ever been different? Did he used to look and seem happier? Reading between the lines it seems like he may be prone to being a little “control freakish”.
People who constantly judge and try to control others are generally not too happy as they continually feel disappointed and annoyed when others don’t act as they deem they should. It might help for you to read the dealing with a control freak’ article and also the one on anger. But it might be even better for him to read them. After all you are not responsible (although of course you have to live with) his emotionality. It takes emotional intelligence to be able to first recognize then seek to change one’s own negative counter-productive states and it may be that in order to change he’ll have to develop more EQ (regardless of how intelligent he is in other ways)
All the best
Mark
ish on August 15 said:
how do i deal with my bestfriend? she is so moody but i love her.
Mark Tyrrell on August 15 said:
Hi ish well I think you should focus on using the methods described in the dealing with moody people article as described. It sounds like you already see beyond your friend’s moodiness and can distinguish between her and the moodiness. This is an essential first step. But also take care to look after yourself too; it can be rough and exhausting being around a moody person.
Warm wishes
Mark
nina on August 30 said:
my friend is a moody person.i feel so pressure with her attitude.she’s not changed her moody attitude eventhough many friends of mine has advise her.we even already has a big fight before just because of her moody attitudes. sometimes she just can easily moody just because she does not have enough sleep.it affect me since im closed to her and i dont think it fair for me to stand with her terrible face just for unreasonable reason.after a few years be friend with her now i already decided to break my frienship with her because i cant stand with her attitude.
Mala Kumar on October 03 said:
I enjoyed reading your article-it was humorous yet drove home the message. I have a colleague who is extremely moody especially with me and I have been pandering to his ego by adjusting my behaviour to his.Everytime it’s always my fault and he sends me on a guilt trip. One day he’s pleasant, the next unbearable.He is as you described rightly-an emotional bully.Although I’m fond of him, I think I’ve reached a stage where I’ve had enough. Your article really helped me put things in perspective.
Chloe on December 01 said:
This article has helped me understand moodiness so much more. I searched for this, as I have an extremely moody friend who is as changeable as the weather. In addition I’m interested in psychology and therefore found the article rather useful. I’d just like to say, Thank You.
MICKIE LEWIS on December 22 said:
Thank you for this article. I have worked with a very moody person for the last two years, and I am generally the target. She has belittled me in front of other co-workers, etc. I have ignored her, and when I just couldn’t keep my mouth closed, I rose to her emotional heights, one time even telling her if that is really how she felt about me, to put it in writting. That did stop her, however I do not like ‘losing it’ at work, very unprofessional. I am going to try tip #4 next time this happens, because let’s face it, history tells me it will.
aileen on April 09 said:
ok my best friend gets super mad if i leve her to be with this guy i really like named josh its not like i leave her the whole day but just for a little like one day i hung out with her all of lunch but i left to hang out with josh for like 5 min nd shes sayin ur messed up why did u leave me but ok lets say i leave her to hang out with my friend amelia she doesnt care i feel like shes being an emotional bitch sometimes shes mad at me and doesnt want to listen to me but then other times shes like im srry if i was mean to u and it pisses me off but idk
ayn on April 21 said:
thankx,it was really useful
Mima on April 28 said:
woa!
I just found this article and I am so impressed. Thank you Mark for having uncommonhelp available for us.
Reading this article makes me finally realize what is happening with my new husband and his daughter.
I feel like I am always walking on eggshells, one day where he is giving and the next day where he is so moody, nasty,and angry and with her daughter, not only is she a full fledged teenager, she has learnt “from the best” and behaves just the same way.
every day, I am left feeling drained, exhausted, frustrated and a bit insane, where I don’t recognize myself after several months of this craziness.
In some ways, I have done some of the steps already, but discovered today others that I hope will be more than helpful in how to deal with them both.
I will be glad to use one of my credits and download the hypnosis related to this article, and I will be happy to review this article to remind myself that I am my own priority and must take care of myself before them, and to to set clear limits, as well as to “teach” them to listen and fill some of my own relationship needs.
Thank you Mark for the inspiration!
Mark Tyrrell on April 28 said:
Well thank you Mima for your positive feedback. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment and I really hope things get easier for you and you take time out to look after yourself too.
All my best
Mark
ann turner on May 03 said:
Hi,
I really liked your article. Very well written,
and expressed.
I am in business, have several consultants who
work for me, and have experienced the moody
“prima donna” type. Must admit, I have tolerated
their behaviour, which I probably should not have done.
I am not moody myself, and would never inflict that
on another. Grew up with a drinker, step father,
who was unpredictable and moody, and consequently
I am anxious around these people.
I am a recent widow, and went on holiday with a
new friend - who turned out to be moody, snappy,
and angry, both to me and everyone she encountered.
I think I have finally learned my lesson.
Thank you again for your article.
It is great.
Best wishes,
Ann Turner
ps. I have also studied hypnosis, and have
made my own meditative cds - I listen to one
that I created for myself, every day. Lasts about 28 minutes.
Tom on May 08 said:
hiya, im tom and i have a friend called peter he is a nice lad but he is a moody git, we do joke about him when we’re out but in a jokey way, sometimes he takes it as joke and sometimes he doesn’t but when he doesn’t he stands a few yards away from us and goes silent for a few hours, i find this really irritating and he is so stubborn when he does this i was wondering can you tell me why he does this??
also i have another friend ben, he is also a nice lad but he goes in moods when i see him sometimes, like for instance i saw him one morning once i said hi to him and he just didn’t say anything and walked off, it wasn’t until a few hours later he came round and was alright i was also wondering if you could explain it to me why he does this?? i would be very grateful and thank you.
Mark Tyrrell on May 09 said:
Hello Tom
Well people tend to use the “silent treatment” as an attempted form of punishment. They want it to have an impact. The trouble with the silent treatment is that if it’s being targeted at you then it gives you no information. If someone just yells at you: “I’m angry that you made fun of me!!” then at least you know where you are. As to why these two friends do this I guess (without knowing them) that it’s because they feel you have done something wrong. But some people who go into silent moods may even not really know why they are moody or even be moody with someone else and take it out on you. If you really don’t know what you’ve done wrong then you probably haven’t done anything wrong and all this moody silence is about them not you. Yes it’s irritating and sometimes it might be a good idea to let them know you’re aware of what they are doing. You could bring it into the open and just ask: “Why so silent?” or ‘let me know when you want to start speaking again.’ The main point here is that if people are giving you the silent treatment then whatever you have or haven’t done going silent is not the best way to respond because it gives you no clear feedback.
I hope this is useful Tom
All my best
Mark
Rudolph on June 27 said:
It is a more of aquestion than a comment.
How does one tell the difference and where does one draw a line between “clinical depression an moodiness”?
Mark Tyrrell on June 29 said:
Hello Rudolph
Certainly moodiness is a feature of depression-but as the depression become ‘clinical’ that is longer lasting then the changeability tends to be replaced by one mood-that of bleakness, hopelessness, pessimism and sadness. Depressed people will often also display irritation and anger-both with themselves and others. If moodiness includes good mood as well as low then we are probably just looking at normal moodiness.
Mark