Hi Lynda thank you, well couples can certainly get into a kind of suspicious “are you getting at me!” kind of a spiral where everything starts to be taken the wrong way. It takes one to decide not to play it that way as soon as we start refusing to take things personal and look at “what is wrong” rather than “what you think is wrong with me” then the whole dynamic of the situation changes pretty rapidly I think.
I know I can hardly not to be so defensive. But I hope I will.
I almost always think that that just because, apparently, I’m pretty self-centered or egocentric. But then I feel this creepy BIG sort of fear inside me, that I don’t understand well why I would feel like to drop crying into deep sadness if I even could be more open.
I think stress can also be a factor when it comes to being defensive. For me personally, i know that when i have a really stressful day and some one makes a rude obnoxiouse comment about me or my work i go all out and start and argument. I’m trying to change that.
I believe this “defensive” behavior soe of us have are innate and i think i’m just born with it. oh well.
Lynda on April 12 said:
Another excellent article!
I find my defenses pop up at the most silliest of times, and yes I can step back and wonder what the heck?
Question though - how does 1 of 2 defensive people get a conversation back on track?
Mark Tyrrell on April 12 said:
Hi Lynda thank you, well couples can certainly get into a kind of suspicious “are you getting at me!” kind of a spiral where everything starts to be taken the wrong way. It takes one to decide not to play it that way as soon as we start refusing to take things personal and look at “what is wrong” rather than “what you think is wrong with me” then the whole dynamic of the situation changes pretty rapidly I think.
Mark
Max on May 26 said:
I know I can hardly not to be so defensive. But I hope I will.
I almost always think that that just because, apparently, I’m pretty self-centered or egocentric. But then I feel this creepy BIG sort of fear inside me, that I don’t understand well why I would feel like to drop crying into deep sadness if I even could be more open.
I’m a 22 yrs old guy and with ADHD.
Jing on July 18 said:
I think stress can also be a factor when it comes to being defensive. For me personally, i know that when i have a really stressful day and some one makes a rude obnoxiouse comment about me or my work i go all out and start and argument. I’m trying to change that.
I believe this “defensive” behavior soe of us have are innate and i think i’m just born with it. oh well.