Here are 7 tips to get you feeling like a real woman
"My femininity is always something I've tried to preserve in this dog-eat-dog world". - Margaret Smith Court
Okay, right off, you might think: "Who the heck is he, a man, to tell me, a woman, how to be more feminine! How dare he? Humph!"
Well, I figured women write about men and masculinity, so I'm going to write about femininity.
But it can be hard to even know what it means to be feminine in these times in which women have been encouraged to fulfil roles traditionally filled by men and we men have been called upon to embrace our feminine sides. Whilst rightly embracing equality, the baby has been tossed out alongside the bathwater so that any traditional facets of femininity or masculinity have become a bit taboo.
There is nothing wrong with inhabiting your gender - with embracing, even revelling in, your femininity.
Taking time to feel more feminine
With rushed lives and multiple demands, it can be hard to take time to feel feminine. And while the ideology of feminism undoubtedly did some good in some ways, the more fanatical strains held that there were no real innate differences between men and women at all. Fortunately science has found that idea to be false (1), so thankfully women can embrace their very real femininity once more.
Here are some ideas, undoubtedly from a man, that may just help you feel like a real woman:
1) Enjoy being a woman for your own sake
Sure, men prefer feminine women, who tend to make them feel, in turn, more masculine. But pleasing men certainly shouldn't be the only reason to enjoy your femininity. Take time, now, to actually think: what makes you feel most feminine? What kinds of situations? Are there certain people who make you feel particularly feminine? Some less feminine women may attack others they see as 'more girly', as people do sometimes oppose those who are different from themselves; but stand up and be feminine if that's what you want.
2) Realize femininity means strength
Not all strength looks the same. It doesn't all have to be over-powering, confrontational, or aggressive.
I think traditional femininity upset some feminists because they felt typically feminine attributes such as inclusiveness, wanting to look nice, being caring, and wanting to be a homemaker rather than a dealmaker equated with being 'weak' or 'shallow'. Rubbish.
Women were once described as the 'weaker sex'. Actually, all the research points to women being the stronger sex. Men are more likely to die at any age than women (2), men are more physically damaged by strong emotion than women (3), and men are more likely to die sooner after the death of their wife than vice versa.
Women may be the 'fairer sex', but they are not the weaker sex. And there is nothing weak or subservient in being typically feminine. Typically, femininity means strength, not weakness.
3) Take pride in a feminine appearance
So many women dress in traditionally masculine clothes: jeans, joggers, thick jumpers; and that's well and good and practical and, of course, you can be very feminine no matter what you wear. But to really feel and seem feminine, dress up to the nines now and then. Take loving pride in your appearance and accentuate your best features.
There is nothing shallow, prissy, or dumb about wanting to accentuate your femininity through appearance. Perfume, makeup, and nice clothes are part of what helps you feel your own femininity more powerfully.
4) Relish your body
The most obviously feminine aspect of any woman is, of course, her body. Embrace your female form. Traditionally, 'real women's' figures were worshipped as symbols of a kind of universal femininity and fecundity (4).
Women naturally have higher levels of fat than men do. The 'thinification' of women, as if somehow more curves weren't feminine, is crazy. Keep your body fit and healthy, eat well, but love your body as your physical feminine self regardless of the stick-thin catwalk 'ideal' - which is more androgynous than naturally feminine.
5) Feminine grace
Think how we used to describe women we admired for their femininity (which always refers to more than just looks). The likes of Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly projected their femininity through their 'grace' and 'elegance'.
A sense of grace is strongly aligned with femininity. To move gracefully implies making smooth movements rather than jerky, powerful ones. Of course, you might want to move like a lumberjack in the gym or when swimming, but you could enjoy being svelte and smooth in your movements at the bar or in the café. And you don't have to be ultra-feminine and graceful all the time.
6) Relax, play, and be spontaneous
Being feminine doesn't mean always trying to be womanly, being on show, trying to be perfect. A sense of humour, not always taking yourself too seriously, and the capacity to be playful sometimes are very feminine traits and healthy for anyone. Laughter and humour bring sparkle and make you feel alive and creative.
7) Use self-hypnosis to feel more feminine
Self-hypnosis is a great way to get you feeling highly feminine just before you go out - or anytime you want to feel this way. Simply sit or lie down and close your eyes. Let times float into your mind in which you've felt especially feminine. Remember those moments in detail: How did you feel? What were you wearing? What were you doing?
This is important because it shows you what you consider to be feminine. Visualize what you were doing, how you looked and sounded; see yourself as if watching a movie. Next imagine floating into that time and really inhabit that sense of your strong femininity.
You can get a taste of this by clicking on the free audio below and letting me do it for you.
Femininity is a central part of who you are and being able to express that will feel wonderful.