5 ways to prolong the journey and delay the arrival
His skin was terrible, afflicted by psoriatic arthropathy. But now, to his horror, he was aroused. The pretty young Nurse Mills rubbed and massaged his tortured skin. As she massaged a little lower, he desperately tried to think of as many 'un-sexy thoughts' as possible:
"Everything in Punch magazine. A speech by Edward Heath. A particularly long sentence by Bernard Levin. Margaret Thatcher! No, not Margaret Thatcher!"
It didn't work. To his own embarrassment and Nurse Mill's dismay, he ejaculated.
The 1980s drama The Singing Detective showed in this scene how ejaculation can seem to be entirely beyond control. But it's not.
Premature ejaculation plagues millions of men. It can leave both you and your partner dissatisfied, disappointed, embarrassed, and with feelings of guilt. But how does the pattern of premature ejaculation begin?
Early sexual experiences may often be hurried, before the parents got home; or perhaps rushed encounters in the back of the car. Those initial experiences can lay down the pattern of speedy sex for the future.
And sometimes there's a thin line between anxiety and excitement, meaning that performance anxiety can tip over into over-excited premature ejaculation. The very fear of 'coming too soon' can bring on early orgasm.
True premature ejaculation can happen within seconds of penetration or even before penetration.
If you suffer from premature ejaculation - or just want to last longer - then read on:
1) Set the scene and take your time
The late, great Dr Milton Erickson would sometimes liken lovemaking to eating a meal. You might linger over the starter, wait a little bit, and then take your time with the main course, savouring the flavours. Maybe luxuriate over dessert and relax with a leisurely coffee. You can prolong the enjoyment for hours. Compare this to a rushed burger as you walk down the street.
Lovemaking isn't just the sex. It includes conversation and time spent together, the whole build-up. Foreplay may even be the best part of sex sometimes. To relax and extend sex, you need just the right balance of excitement and calm. Practice taking your time and focusing on the 'journey' rather than just on the 'arrival'.
2) Use your mind for a change
Millions assume, incorrectly, that certain physical responses are entirely beyond their control.
I was talking to someone today who has trained himself to dilate his own pupils at will (merely by imagining he's in the dark). I have hypnotized dozens of elderly people to lower unhealthily high blood pressure.
Hypnosis is a wonderful tool for powerfully influencing physical responses usually beyond conscious control. Close your eyes and get into a calm state of mind. Strongly imagine taking your time during sex, feeling a slow, sustained, and gradual build of excitement. This will program your mind and body to start lasting longer quite naturally.
For a flavour of this, listen to this free audio session.
3) Use distraction techniques
Yes, I know it didn't work for the 'singing detective' and I'm not suggesting you have one eye on the sports channel! Still, distraction really can work. Of course, you ideally want to be totally absorbed with your lover, but if you do find yourself starting to peak too soon, then (and this is woefully unromantic!) doing arithmetic in your head can lower arousal enough to get you back into your stride, so to speak.
Yet there's an even quicker way to delay orgasm.
Thinking of something funny helps many guys stave off orgasm for much longer. A word of warning, however: Don't start smirking or giggling; sometimes there are worse things for your partner than premature ejaculation.
Coupled with any hypnotic work you do, these distraction methods can make huge differences and ultimately greatly deepen the pleasure of your lovemaking.
4) Work those muscles!
There are very simple and easy exercises you can do to make your erections stronger and give you greater ejaculatory control. (1)
'Kegal exercises' (after one Dr Kegal) focus on the pubococcygeal (PC) muscles that run from the pubic bone to the tailbone. They offer a simple method to help you gain more control over your ejaculation whilst increasing the strength of your orgasm. Not bad for an exercise so unobtrusive you could do it whilst being interviewed for an accountancy job!
So just how do you exercise your PC muscles?
Well, if you were urinating and wanted to stop mid-flow, you'd need to tighten your PC muscles. Of course, you don't need to be mid-flow to tighten them. Practice tightening them for the count of 5 seconds, then releasing them. Alternate in this way 20 times twice a day and work up to 70 repetitions twice a day. It will take a few weeks, but you'll soon notice a wonderful difference.
5) Ditch the stimulants
Diet can affect sex. Stimulants such as caffeine raise arousal levels; to prolong sex, you need not to be too excited too soon. Overcoming premature ejaculation is partly about calming down, slowing down. So it makes sense to limit intake of anything that speeds you up.
And keep in mind that not eating enough can leave you feeling lacklustre and lacking in lust!
Millions of men have learned how to stop premature ejaculation. With dedicated application of these tips, you can too.